4 Reasons Your Vagina May Be Numb
Vaginal numbness is probably the biggest complaint I hear from my female clients. And the worst part is they all think they are alone and broken. So let’s start by clearing up two things:
You are not broken.
There are often good reasons for vaginal numbness and it’s not something you’re stuck with for life.
It is fully possible to regain pleasure and sensation in your vagina.
Let’s get into the reasons why you may have developed numbness in the first place.
Reason #1: Chronic bad sex
Specifically, penetrative sex. Here is an unfortunate fact of conditioning: If we are chronically enduring rather than enjoying sex, we will learn to anticipate more negative touch and our brains will eventually tune it out.
Bad sex means you are not having your needs met. It means your partner is inattentive, not touching you in a way that arouses you, and not attuned to your rhythms and responses.
Bad sex also often means that you are penetrated before feeling completely ready. It means penetration is more of a compromise than an active desire on your end. And when we chronically experience this, our vaginal walls can become tense and desensitized.
Reason #2: Not enough time spent on your pleasure
This point builds on the previous one and also includes the time you spend with yourself. One of the key factors from the point above is TIME: the amount of time spent on building arousal before penetration occurs. If there isn’t enough time, then penetration will be unpleasant and ultimately numbing.
But what’s fascinating is that many of the women I speak with rarely spend more time pleasuring themselves than what they would encounter in a partnered interaction. We are so used to banging out quickies that many people have not tapped into the tremendous learning potential of mindful masturbation, and how we can use it to expand our erotic possibilities.
If you self pleasure routines include penetration and…
If you rush to penetrate yourself before you are fully aroused for the sake of chasing an orgasm, you are doing yourself a disservice.
Vulvas are capable of a vast array of different kinds of orgasms. The deeper orgasms (ie. G-spot and cervical orgasms) can take 40 minutes to an hour of attentive pleasuring. If you have not yet explored spending that much time on yourself, I highly recommend giving it a try.
Reason #3: You haven’t done much internal exploration
Since your clitoris is more easily accessible, chances are you discovered that first on your journey to sexual maturity. For many it can prove to be a simple and reliable pathway to orgasm.
Your vagina, on the other hand, is hidden and complicated and perhaps you feel a bit uncomfortable about exploring in there. Better just stick with what you know.
Clitoral orgasms are wonderful. And there is also more available to you, if you want to take the plunge. Your clitoral orgasms are one item at the buffet, and the other items may be a little unfamiliar and scary. Your body may not even be accustomed to penetration. But the more time you spend noticing what kinds of internal pleasure your body responds to, the more your body solidifies those responses and builds new pathways to arousal.
Reason #4: Sexual trauma
This is unfortunately more common than people realize, and can leave devastating effects in the body. Trauma takes place with any non-consensual activity in which we are overwhelmed and can not take effective action. Whether or not this involves penetration, it can still result in genital numbness.
Sexual trauma is often accompanied by intense shame, and the discomfort of this shame can encourage dissociation from the body and from pleasure.
Our vaginas are especially prone to holding this trauma through numbness and tension. In the case of trauma, when we begin palpating this tension it can bring up many difficult emotions such as grief and rage,
What is the solution?
De-armouring is a powerful tool to work with vaginal numbness or pain. De-armouring works on the physical as well as emotional and mental planes to dissolve rigidity and allow for freer flow of life force energy.
Vaginal de-armouring may involve placing gentle pressure on different points inside the vagina, breathing into those points and releasing whatever emotions arise. This can be done with a practitioner, or through a solo practice using your hand or various crystal wands.
Stay tuned for next week’s post to learn more about vaginal de-armouring! In the meantime, if you have any questions or want to book a free introductory call to discuss possibilities for you journey, feel free to contact me here.