10 Unexpected Benefits of Yoni Massage

Yoni is the Sanskrit term that refers to the entirety of the female genital anatomy: the mons, the inner and outer labia, clitoris, vagina, and cervix. It is a term that comes with a sense of great reverence and honouring, one that we have no equivalent for in English.

One might receive a yoni massage from a trained practitioner, or have their partner provide one, as a beautiful ritual of giving and receiving.

The practice is meant to be done slowly and mindfully. And there are a few guiding principles to keep in mind:

• we hold space for whatever arises in the receiver

• we don’t chase orgasm, though it may occur naturally on its own

• the receiver is simply there to receive, and there is no expectation of reciprocation afterwards

With these guiding principles in mind, let’s explore all the ways in which yoni massage can provide a transformative experience.

1) Yoni massage will challenge all the ways in which you feel unworthy

When receiving a yoni massage, you’ll be invited into a position of pure receiving. There is nothing that you need to do in order to receive. There is nothing you need to accomplish to be worthy, no facade you need to maintain. All the posturing and masks get put aside. You are simply invited to take up space. And this might bring up a lot. It might be uncomfortable and unfamiliar at first. But if you gently lean into it, you may start to trust that you are already enough, exactly as you are.

2) It creates a container to feel all your feelings

The foremost invitation of yoni massage is to go inward and attune to the sensations and emotions in your body as they arise. This may be pleasure, or it may be shame or resistance or numbness or grief. Regardless of what is arising, the container is there for you to explore it fully. In our fast paced culture we rarely have time to simply be with our emotions. We’re accustomed to distractions or numbing out. But it’s only though offering our full presence to these sensations that we can begin to integrate their charge. By giving expression to the feelings through breath, sound and movement, and being witnessed and held by the giver, we create an opportunity for deeper healing and integration to occur. It’s a space to express it all, where you don’t need to hold it together anymore.

3) It removes pressure around performance

When we engage in partnered sex, a lot of people tend to focus their attention on how they’re pleasing the other person. “Am I doing a good enough job? Do they like it? Are they happy?”. This is referred to as the indirect route to pleasure: the pleasure we hope to get through creating a response in another person. In contrast, the direct route to pleasure involves noticing sensory information coming into your body, and simply following what feels good for you.* Many people habitually live in the realm of the indirect route, which is entirely based on performance. Yoni massage invites us to engage the direct route; to simply tune in and notice what feels good. When we create a container where this intention is made explicitly clear, it gives the receiver permission to go deeper into this practice.

4) It bathes the nervous system in bliss and relaxation

When we take the time to mindfully notice pleasurable touch, our internal pharmacy kicks in and starts pumping out all the feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters: oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine. It helps us shift into our parasympathetic nervous system, where we become more open to connection, creativity, and a sense of peace. A giver with a well regulated nervous system can invite the receiver’s nervous system to slow down through gentle but confident touch. Through this space of connection and co-regulation, the receiver can unwind and recharge deeply.

5) It helps restore softness and sensitivity

There’s a lot of talk in the Tantra community about armouring. On a physical level, this refers to any tension in the myofascial structures that result in pain or numbness. This can occur in the pelvic floor and genitals as well, causing painful sex or simply a lack of sensation. Some underlying causes may include trauma, unwelcome or unsatisfactory touch, shame and disconnection from the body. We work to heal this by providing safe and mindful touch to the genital area so that the tissue can begin to release and the nervous system can begin to rebuild the brain-body connection.

6) Yoni massage tends to all parts of your being

A yoni massage is never only a yoni massage. Before we can approach this most sacred part of the body, the rest of the body, heart and soul need to be opened. Through practices such as eye-gazing, we acknowledge the divine in the receiver. Through conscious breathwork we engage the energy body and start moving energy. And through full body touch, we can provide love and appreciation to every inch of the receiver’s body.

7) It can help improve access to orgasm

Many women struggle to achieve orgasm with a partner or even on their own. One of the reasons for this is we still base our sexual experiences on a masculine model of being quick and goal oriented. This pace unfortunately does not work for many women. While testosterone peaks quickly, estrogen-based bodies can take longer to reach peak arousal. So allowing adequate time to drop into pleasure throughout the massage, and also taking away any goal oriented rush can help facilitate a natural unfolding of orgasm in this deeply receptive state.

8) It moves stagnant sexual energy

In Taoism and Chinese Medicine we hear about the concept of chi, and chi stagnation. This happens when energy slows down or stops moving in a particular system of the body. If sexual energy is something we are ignoring or avoiding because it feels complicated, chances are there will be an energetic imbalance. This is not to say we should move head first into old traumas, but by beginning to re-engage our sexual energy in a gentle and safe way, we can slowly start getting things moving and bringing more vitality into our sexual centre.

9) It can play a role in healing sexual trauma

Sexual trauma leaves many people feeling shut down and too frozen to engage with a potential partner, perhaps even with themselves. It can leave a tremendous charge of unresolved energy in the body. This unwinding can be a long and complex journey, and yoni massage may not be appropriate in some stages. But as we deepen in our ability to self-regulate, and also find a trusted person to hold the space, yoni massage can provide the container to release old emotions and reconnect with the body. It hold the potential for a deep reclamation of one’s sexual agency. Which brings us to our last point…

10) Yoni massage can restore a sense of agency and empowerment

Yoni massage is all about the receiver. Through noticing what feels good, asking for what you want, and receiving with an open heart, you can pave the way to your sexual empowerment. It’s an invitation to be vulnerable, to confront shame, and to know on an embodied level the depth of your power and worth.

Some receivers have a profound, life altering aha moment in a single experience. For others, yoni massage may be a practice they choose to incorporate into their lives as an ongoing commitment to themselves or to their relationship. In either case, if you are curious to receive a massage or if you are a couple looking to learn how to craft an experience together, please feel free to reach out to me at monica@wilderos.ca

On Nov 13th, 2022 I will be hosting a deep dive event for couples where you will learn to create a yoni massage experience from start to finish. Please see the link for more information or to register.

* You can learn more about the concepts of the direct and indirect route in Orgasmic Blueprint: Tools for Pleasure, Desire and Consent, by Matthias Schwenteck