Sex and Burnout: 5 Ways you can support your nervous system in rekindling your desire
Let’s start with a simple fact:
Your body can not produce stress hormones and sex hormones at the same time.
Let that sink in for a moment.
If you’re under chronic, unmanaged stress, and wondering where your libido went, that’s probably your answer.
What Actually Counts as Stress?
We tend to think of stress as things like emotional conflict or overwork, but here are some other things that can drain your body of vital resources:
Grief
Financial insecurity
Chronic, low grade infections
Inflammation
Processed foods
Blood sugar imbalance
Overexposure to screens + blue light (alters hormones)
City pollution
Irregular sleep / sleep that’s misaligned with circadian rhythms
Having poor boundaries and not being able to say no in relationships
Lack of time for creativity, play and rest
The Long Term Effects of Stress on Desire
Stress activates our HPA axis (hypothalamic-pituitury-adrenal), which causes our bodies to produce more cortisol. This ongoing production of cortisol essentially robs our body of the raw materials needed to produce other sex hormones.
Over time, this contributes to hormonal imbalance, fatigue, and feelings of depression and anxiety.
In holistic medicine, this is often diagnosed as adrenal fatigue. When the body has been under prolonged stress for too long, it can no longer manage the stress adequately, and other systems begin to break down.
The end result: the body doesn’t not have enough resources to generate energy for things like sex.
Don’t Treat Your Sex Life As Something To Fix
Too often people treat their sexual challenges as yet another problem to fix. Our western paradigm of healthcare tends to see things as isolated problems with specified solutions, hardly ever considering the connection between lifestyle and health. So it’s no wonder that many people, if they lose access to desire, begin to think that there is something “wrong” with them.
But I want to propose a different narrative:
What if your loss of desire was a symptom of your circumstances, rather than a problem with you?
What if your body was communicating to you that you need to slow down?
What if your loss of desire was a reminder to tend your soul, to make time for the things that bring you joy, to prioritize rest and play alongside your responsibilities?
What if giving yourself this opportunity could restore your desire without you having to try hard to “achieve” anything?
5 Ways to Support Your Body in Rediscovering Desire
1) Practice Yoga Nidra
Yoga Nidra is the yoga of sleep. It is done lying down, while listening to a guided recording or live teacher. It is designed to take you down through progressively slower brainwave states, where ideally your body falls asleep but your consciousness remains awake. It’s a state of the most profound rest, where your body can enter a deep parasympathetic state and begin its healing work.
Best of all, there are tons of free ways to practice.
2) Introduce Adaptogens Into Your Life
Adaptogens are a class of herbs that have an overall effect of increasing the body’s resistance to stress. They can be helpful at enhancing sleep, recovery, and boosting energy and immunity. Studies show that they work mostly on that same system we talked about earlier, the HPA-axis, by buffering the harmful effects of cortisol.
Some popular adaptogens include ginseng, tulsi, ashwagandha and reishi.
Adaptogens can be included in your life as a daily tea, or as a supplement. Though most adaptogens are safe for long term use, consult a naturopath or herbalist to see which one might be the best fit for you. And remember that no plant or herb will outdo a poor lifestyle.
3) Build Moments Of Mindful Pleasure Into Every Day
This is about meditating on your senses. Think about all the various things you can see, touch, smell, hear or taste that bring joy to you in and of themselves. Do you love the smell of your coffee brewing in the morning? Great. Pause for a moment to savour it.
Other examples of things might be: savouring the taste of your favourite morning drink, pausing to feel the sun on your skin, enjoying a warm hug from a loved one, running your fingers through your favourite furry blanket, or mindfully listening to your favourite music.
By simply pausing to allow the pleasure of these experiences into your nervous system, you’re grounding into your parasympathetic nervous system and teaching your body to be more receptive to pleasure. Savouring can be some of the most valuable nourishment during times of stress.
4) Notice Where You Can Set Better Boundaries
A huge part of burnout is having too much on our plate, and having too much on our plate means there are things we could be saying no to.
When we say yes to things that we don’t genuinely want to do, it comes with a distinct feeling: the body contracts and there’s a sense of feeling helpless and burdened. Consider situations and people you could set better boundaries with so that you can carve out more space for yourself. It may feel scary initially, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.
5) Schedule Time For Unstructured Play
This is the time when your creativity can really start to emerge. So many adults forget how to play, yet it’s an essential component of erotic activation. Imagine taking yourself too seriously during sex. Not so fun, right?
Playing means being curious, experimenting, and letting go of familiar ways of being. It invites spontaneity and creativity, all of which are important skills to have in the erotic realm.
Play can bring about a sense of relaxation and levity. And laughter can be a beautiful antidote to stress.
Carve out opportunities to let yourself flow and see where your curiosity takes you.